Sunday, September 30, 2012

Life Is Hard

I've been waking up from nightmares and crying uncontrollably. I'm not made to handle my dad's failing kidney transplant, not seeing my kid for 3 months, his dad's radiation therapy, and the stress of trying to figure out how to figure in dance, all at once.

So... I quit the team. I deleted my Facebook page. My nervous system is extremely fragile right now, and I need as much rest as possible. The only problem is I'm just not getting it. I can't sleep; I have nightmares.

Last night it was an apocalypse dream again. There is nothing more heartbreaking than watching the world around you being torn apart and not having your child with you or know what is going on with your family. I woke up crying again. And it would be fine if the crying stopped there. But it doesn't. It continues on. Sometimes for hours.

As much as I hate taking medication, I could really use an anti-anxiety right now.

I just don't understand how I can get what I want and that's when the world throws everything it has at me.

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