Saturday, December 8, 2012
My body is not functioning the way it should. My right arm no longer works. I get sharp burning shooting pains all over my body. My mind is a fog.
I can't walk, talk, or laugh without intense chest pains.
I can't lift a gallon of milk.
I think I'm dying.
Please God help me.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
I've learned so much in the past few days about what life really is and what it's all about and it's AWESOME. All of it makes so much sense! Basically we are all here to experience negativity as part of our soul's learning experience. There is no sin, there is no right or wrong. There is only knowledge. No one will judge you but yourself. There is no right or wrong religion, but most religions have lost sight of what earth life really is.
I also learned that you choose how many incarnations you will have on this earth. I'm still in the process of finding what my purpose here is. Everyone chooses 2 of 45 available themes to have in their current lifetime. I'm fairly certain that my themes are Intellectuality and Freedom. Well I am certain that my first is Intellectuality, but my second theme eludes me.
I also met my spirit guide yesterday. Her name is Amella and she lived in Portugal in the 2nd century.
I saw my own aura for the first time a few days ago. Absolutely fascinating! My next step is to work on my clairaudience, which I've had all my life. I've always said that I've never seen a spirit (until recently, as I mentioned in a previous post) but I have heard quite a few and felt them all my life. My rooster totem will help with that.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
But I do speak love. ^_^
There are so many different kinds of love, and I finally feel like my life is filled with love. My little family is so happy now that we're together, and I've finally found a man that appreciates who I am and treats me the way I should have been treated all along.
Finally being pushed in the right direction; this is what I've needed all along.
Getting hired on the spot on Tuesday is going to be the first step in securing my future with my family and with my Jake.
I can't wait to get started! I have a shoot this weekend, then a night and day with my lover, Thanksgiving, and the first birthday I get to spend with the love of my life. The rest of my life is going to be the best years of my life and I can't wait to get started! I can't believe I spent the first 25 years of my life being pushed around and beaten down. No longer. Nothing but good times up ahead!
I couldn't have done anything, been anything, without Jake and my family. The people who love me regardless of where I've been or what I've done. I still have a lot to answer for, but I'm not scared anymore. Not sad anymore. Not giving up anymore. I deserve happiness, and happiness has finally found me.
I'm one of the lucky ones. ^_^
Monday, November 12, 2012
I've never seen a kid so charitable! He is just so moved by the fact that these kids don't have anything to play with. How can a 4 year old be so selfless and caring?
I showed him pictures of children in Africa today and told him about the starvation and poverty they experience. His response? "Mommy! We need to send them food, too!"
I was just thinking to myself the other day how I wish there was a soup kitchen or something that I could volunteer my time at. It's been so long since I performed any sort of charitable service, and I've been missing it. It's so touching that my son is the same way. He always wants to help in any way he can, and it comes from his heart. I've never seen a child so willing to help in any way he could for someone less fortunate than he.
I'm so proud of my boy. He is shaping up to be an amazing person, and I can't wait to see what he is capable of achieving in life. I couldn't be a prouder mom.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Working with others, the group mind, planning, organizing, achieving more than what is expected.
I've been getting this card a lot lately. I feel such a great oneness with my family and I'm sure that is to what this card is referring. Hopefully this trend will continue, as I don't want things to go back to the way they were. :)
Number: 32, 7
Animal: Any panther.. except jaguars. They kind of look funny.
Alcoholic Drink: Margarita
Beer: Shock Top
Pizza Topping: Pepperoni
Restaurant: Happy Sumo
Salad Dressing: Ranch
Holiday: Halloween/Samhain or Thanksgiving
Time of Day: Early morning
Day of the Week: Thursday
Vacation: New Zealand/Australia
City: Queenstown, NZ
Country: New Zealand
Activity: Either gaming or dancing
Date Activity: Laser Tag
Way to Show Affection: Nibbling ha ha ha
Singer: Freddie Mercury/David Lee Roth
Composer: Hans Zimmer
Guitarist: Eddie Van Halen
Song: There are so many!!!! But right now Overwhelmed by Tim McMorris
TV Show: New Girl, The Cleveland Show
Movie: Hmmmmmmmm..... I have no idea
Book: To Kill a Mockingbird
Author: David Eddings/Robin Cook
Shoes: Anything plaid or with high tops
Outfit: Anything lace or plaid
Car: '69 Mustang GT convertible
Weather: Warm and overcast
Friday, November 2, 2012
But the fact that you're oblivious to your own SERIOUSLY MESSED UP actions is not even the worst part. The worst part is that you can SIT THERE AND PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE'S FRIEND and then start drama when you're not getting enough sexual attention from the group of friends you screwed. You are fake as hell. I don't give a damn if you actually do care about anyone as much as you say you do (which I don't believe for a second), if you love someone, you are happy when they are happy. You don't sit there and try to screw things up for them by being a huge slut.
Which brings me to my next point. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BE PROUD OF BEING PASSED AROUND A GROUP OF FRIENDS LIKE A JOINT? You're what, barely 17? GET SOME SELF RESPECT. Instead of screwing 3 friends and being depressed because NONE OF THEM WANT TO DATE YOU, maybe you should have kept your pants up, tried actually being a friend instead of a groupie, and maybe, just maybe, if your total lack of any sort of intelligence at all and your ability to tell people what to do regardless of your ignorance to EVERYTHING didn't turn people off, perhaps someone would find you worth their time.
I'm not going to put up with you any longer. Take a step back, turn around, and walk away hun. Because I've been NICE to your fake ass face until now. But I have lost ALL respect for you. Keep your freaking hands and your vagina to yourself. My man doesn't want them.
And if this doesn't get through to you, God knows what will. You've been told time and time again to back the hell off. I suggest you do.
I hate being around my son when I'm sick. I feel like I spent the whole day yelling at him, and I hate that. My headache kills my patience... His constant hyper energy somehow makes me feel sicker...
I just need to get better so I can play with him and give him all the attention he deserves. :)
I wish Jake were here, though. He's the best medicine money can't buy.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
It's finding that person that is perfect, who makes you want to be perfect. It's finding that person that makes you invincible; the one that allows you to do and deal with anything, because you know that they love you.
Jake is that person, the love I've waited for all my life. I'd begun to believe that such a thing didn't exist, that it was a thing of fantasy and had no place in the real world. Looking back at past relationships, there was so much that I just DEALT with because I thought that was love. But I was wrong. I wasted so much time and energy on so many relationships that were doomed to fail, when I could have spent all that time being truly, blissfully happy.
I honestly don't have any idea how I thought I was EVER happy without him. He puts everything into perspective, supports everything that means everything to me. He brings out so much good in me, that I'm skeptical that the bad in me ever existed at all, and that is one of the most beautiful feelings you can experience in life.
The idea of him ever mistreating me, hurting me, lying to me, manipulating me, is so ludicrous that it's laughable. I've never trusted someone so much with my heart. I may be miles away, but I can still taste him, hear his voice, taste his lips, and feel the way he holds me.
I've been able to visualize marrying some of my past lovers, but what makes this truly special is that I cannot visualize NOT marrying this man. A future without him is not a possibility I want to consider, let alone live through.
I've never felt so complete, so loved, so safe. I truly have found my other, better half.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Not only that, when I'm sick I'm treated like I'm not that bad, like I should be up and doing everything that no one else will do on a daily basis.
The time my kidneys nearly failed, I was told I couldn't be "that" sick because I was yelling at someone. I was being bitched at for not doing chores and taking care of my son. At least I got an apology.
Now I'm pretty much dying.
And I'm stuck here.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
We named her after a Stephen King novel about a possessed car. (Because we are awesome.) We only put 12k miles on it in the 2 1/2 years my bf's owned her, and she's never failed us.
I seriously am in LOVE with this car. I sweet talk to her while I'm washing her. She is a beast of a lady and I can't wait to own her!!!!!
If you have never seen a Chevy Beretta, you are missing out. Beautiful. :)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Before you ask, Wiccans don't believe in Satan. So no, I'm not a Satanist. I also don't hex people. Ha ha.
I've studied tarot, astrology, palmistry, mythology from many different cultures, runes, alchemy, some quantum theory, symbolism, astral projection, and many other esoteric things. :)
I'm very very interested in the spiritual plane, and yesterday, for the first time in my life, I full on saw a shadow figure walk into my room. It was epically awesome!!!
Lisa's boyfriend sees spirits and says there are 5 in our house. 3 "loops", and 2 conscious spirits. Based on his description of the spirits in the house, I believe it was the old man doing his loop. It's been a long time since I conducted an investigation... Perhaps it's time to get back in. :)
Sunday, September 30, 2012
He finally got a kidney transplant a couple weeks ago... and it's not working. He doesn't qualify for a new transplant.
If I lose him, I will never forgive myself. I don't want it to be too late. I don't have the money for an emergency trip out there.
I don't know what to do.
So... I quit the team. I deleted my Facebook page. My nervous system is extremely fragile right now, and I need as much rest as possible. The only problem is I'm just not getting it. I can't sleep; I have nightmares.
Last night it was an apocalypse dream again. There is nothing more heartbreaking than watching the world around you being torn apart and not having your child with you or know what is going on with your family. I woke up crying again. And it would be fine if the crying stopped there. But it doesn't. It continues on. Sometimes for hours.
As much as I hate taking medication, I could really use an anti-anxiety right now.
I just don't understand how I can get what I want and that's when the world throws everything it has at me.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
No I wasn't talking about any of you who are so upset at me. I was talking to someone who I knew when I lived in Payson. But obviously you are guilty of doing what I said so instead of lashing out at ME, maybe you should look inside yourself.
But that would take a person having a brain.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Pretty much sick of always being number 2 when I have things going on that I need help with. It's awesome.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
I made dance company my senior year of high school, and on an average day I would dance about 3-6 hours a day. Which is awesome. I would sleep 8.5 hours a night. Also awesome.
Dance is my favorite form of expression. My life has always been about music, but I have always felt that it should have been about dance.
Which is why I'm super stoked to be on the NightSneak gogo team!!! Say what you like but I wouldn't say anything until you see us dance. Those girls freaking ROCK!!!! They're all so talented and funny, sweet and outgoing. YAY! I love meeting awesome people!!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
He told me he was a sociopath and that didn't really fly with me, so we stopped seeing each other after about a week.
I remember seeing on the news that they had found the killer of a very publicized case, and when I saw the picture I freaked. He killed that man in cold blood. The story is really quite sick.
You just don't know people, ya know?
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Now that I have a job, all that is going to change.
Passport getting renewed.
License being acquired.
Car being bought.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Honestly I do need the stuff, but I'm not gonna get paid for at least 2 weeks. I shouldn't be sitting here rubbing my hands together and drooling over things I want.
Things I can't afford. I need a side job that gives me more cash. I actually have an amazing modeling offer into which I'm looking. ^_^ <--- Grammar nazi self wouldn't let me end that in a preposition.
All my needs definitely outweigh my salary, but maybe I'll catch up and actually be able to start saving.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Do you know of the extreme dissatisfaction felt when you write something and realize that it is all wrong?
It's even worse when you're fighting with someone and spit out something that makes no sense in any known language.
Or when you're screaming at your cat because he took a crap in your room.
I don't get any satisfaction out of pointing out the difference between your and you're; the difference between their, they're, and there; or why you put "greater than I" instead of "greater than me."
It's just an OCD thing.
Update: I left the incomplete sentence as a kind of "self-taunt"... and everytime I look at my blog I feel a little sick and neurotic inside.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Every time I hear this song, my body involuntarily moves. Not even mad.
BT - Every Other Way (Twistex & Gunslinger Jones Remix)
It started out horribly. I was definitely not feeling the day.
But I did seize it.
And I got a job.
And I made the team I tried out for.
Basically if I wasn't worried about a loved one, or missing my son, my life would be absolutely complete. :)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Mind you, THIS HAPPENS WHEN I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.
And then when the truth is realized (that I was absolutely 100% unquestionably right), nobody acknowledges that I POINTED THIS OUT.
People are stupid.
Where have all the smart people gone?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
I shop and shop and shop and end up coming home with socks and gloves. WTF is that?
Someone help me out here!
I wear looooooots of plaid.
I'm a cheapo.
I love dresses.
Find me a store!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
My current songs on repeat:
*Fading by Rihanna
*Better Days by Klaas
*Years by Alesso
*Drive Away by Thomas Newman
*Don't You Worry by Swedish House Mafia
*Some Nights by fun.
*Swerve by Excision
*The Other Side by Pendulum
*Farewell by Rihanna
Friday, August 10, 2012
Maybe some day I will, but not at 5:31 in the morning.
I've been attacked by many inanimate objects since I was but a wee little thing. Here's a list of objects that have wounded me. And not in the way you would think.
*Straws.... Oh God straws...
There are more. So many more. I'm starting to have paranoid delusions that everything is a Decepticon and I'm screwed.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Perhaps it's the journey I crave and not the headache relieving, thirst quenching carbonated caffeinated perfection that is Pepsi.
Ah the journey. This is what I go throw almost every day to get my Pepsi.
I walk about a mile and a half
Down a hill
In the blistering heat
To get a 64 oz. Pepsi refill
Which I then haul back up the hill
In the blistering heat
To then set it down
And not drink it
*Pepsi. Almost always at least once a day. (That was a lot of adverbs there.....)
Now someone please explain to me why I'm not morbidly obese?
Dance really is my dream and has been for a long time. Even greater than my musician dreams, and that's saying something.
Dance and music are necessary parts of my life. They've always been there and always will be.
Currently there are a couple of teams that are looking for dancers that I'm looking into, currently.
My dancing is funny. I either look like a graceful swan or a nerd face. It's awesome.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Those of you who thought this was going to be the story of my conception; I'm sorry to disappoint you. This is the story all about how I came to be known as Ypsy.
When I was still young, before the years turned my heart bitter and cold, before my life force had been stripped by stress and responsibility, I ran around in this "clan" of sorts. We went on long long long camping trips and bummed around, went to Evolution together. We were like family. I was homeless at the time, and roamed around the state a bit reading tarot and jamming on my guitar.
I always referred to myself as a gypsy because I loved the homeless life. (I know. I'm a bit crazy.) My friends were all taller than me, and they used to always make comments about how I was so tiny.
One night, one of them basically said, "you're such an itty-bitty gypsy. We should call you Ypsy."
Personally, I hate my name. It's so generic and boring. I would love it if everyone called me Ypsy.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I have a serious anger management problem.
It's really out of control.
It takes a bit to set me off, but when the adrenaline hits... run for cover.
Angry people tend to get flustered and say really stupid things.
When I'M angry, my mind works in overdrive to find the most hurtful, messed up things I can say to a person.
Angry people yell. I tend to SCREAM LIKE THE MOST HARDCORE MUSIC YOU'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE.
I need a healthy outlet for my anger. Or at least scream at someone for whom I won't feel remorse.
*They're, Their, and There... Which One Is Right For You?
*Etiquette Your Parents Should Have Taught You
*Driving For The Complete Idiot
*Drinking: How Much Is Too Much?
*Christianity: What Jesus ACTUALLY Taught
*You Have No Reason To Be Stuck Up: How To Build A Realistic Self Image
*How To Rage Like A Pro
*How To Become A Conspiracy Theorist Overnight
*Anarchy: Why You Want It Even If You Don't Know It
*Real Music: How To Tell If Your Music Is Crap
*Curiosity: The Cat Had Eight More Lives... Do You?
*Shutting TFU: Your Guide To Not Saying Stupid Things
*How To Not Kill 500 People Tomorrow
Sunday, August 5, 2012
"Can I see your id?"
"No you can't because I do not possess one."
"I can't sell this to you then. "
So I gave my money to my boyfriend's sister, who proceeded to by the lighter WITHOUT being id'd and give it to me right in front of the cashier.
I was pissed. I'm 25 YEARS OLD GD IT!!
......... Why God did you curse me with such a face?
1000 points to the people who got that reference.
Here's a photo I found on Deviant Art. :)
Friday, August 3, 2012
*Drink every day OR try to hang out because you have nowhere to drink.
*Steal my shit. Seriously. I am an extremely generous person and honestly, I would probably just give it to you anyway.
*Lie to me. White or black. I'm a big girl, I can handle the truth.
*Diss on things I like. "To each his own"?
*Expect me to take your side opposing someone.
*Be a douche because I didn't take your side.
*Tickle me. Seriously. I will end you.
*Be judgmental. I absolutely hate judgmental people. You don't live anyone else's life so STFU about it.
*Be a zealot. I have very strong views that many have deemed "anti-Christian," such as my views on human rights and marriage equality. Also many Christians would say my religion is "of Satan."
*Confuse my friendship for romantic interest.
*Brag. I HATE BRAGGING. There is a huge difference between bragging and telling someone about your accomplishments.
*Have a sense of superiority.
*DO HEROIN. I DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE WHO DO HEROIN. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also it helps if you:
*Love to be crazy in public.
*Sing everyday sentences.
*Like to debate.
*Love music. Any kind.
*Understand my sense of humor.
*Have an unhealthy obsession with honey badgers and unicorns.
*Understand why Adventure Time is like the greatest show ever. Seriously. Adventure Time is the greatest show ever.
*Don't get embarassed easily.
Now accepting applications for friendship. :)
Thursday, August 2, 2012
"I wish the government would be nicer. I wish people wouldn't fight so much. Why can't everyone love each other."
Now I'm like a hippie/political activist/anarchist....
"I wish the government would die. People need to pull their heads out of their asses and love each other before I end everyone on this planet. Fossil fuels are killing the planet, because no one listened to Henry Ford. Make hemp legal or I will bomb the whole world with MDMA." Yeah....
Growing older is fun. You appreciate the idea of the apocalypse waaaaaay more. You'll either die and not have to deal with this messed up world, or everyone stupid dies. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Three-quarters of the people on Earth dying? I'm all for it. I can't stand 3/4 of the people I know anyway.
That was a joke. I still love everyone; I just hate everyone.
I used to say that religion was the leading cause of violence in the world. I regress. STUPIDITY is the leading cause of violence in this world.
So quit being stupid humans.
And quit being selfish.
And quit being prejudiced.
Or I will end you.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
-"That's hot" was only a fad for Paris Hilton. Get it TFO!
-Mini skirts with leggings. EPIC. You can wear tiny skirts and still do cartwheels.
-Skinny jeans. BEST. THING. EVER. Shouldn't have gone away in the 80s... Shouldn't go now.
-iPods. How exactly is the best thing to ever happen to music a fad?
-Wide skate shoes with fat laces. I LMAO a little at this.
Everything else can suck it. The 2000s suuuuuuucked.
Monday, July 30, 2012
This month has been nothing but sweaty nasty bad luck. I'm over it. August is where it's at. I once wanted to make my own calender with like 60 holidays in August. It bummed me out that August has no holidays in it.
I propose we rename August "Holiday" and make it a national holiday. Need it to get over July. Stupid Dog Days.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I noticed that I post on Facebook A LOT about doing laundry. So I thought I'd give you a play by play of just part of my exiting week to show you why.
Check for internet. There is none.
Think. Decide to pick fruit, step outside, decide against molten wasteland.
Think. Think. Think. (Winnie the Pooh reference)
Stare at laundry pile.
Attempt to hang out with someone. Fail.
Watch boyfriend play Diablo.
Same as Sunday.
Same as Monday except I'm fed up with life and not having a car or a phone, and decide to take it out violently on the giant pile of laundry taunting me from the closet.
Alas. What will I do when I'm caught up?
Anyway, laundry is basically the only thing that's not disappointing as hell. No one can/will take it from me.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
I have quite a few unnatural fears. I'm not afraid of snakes, spiders, rodents, none of that wussy stuff. My fears are hardcore.
-Bathrooms. I hate going to the bathroom alone. Most of this is due to the fact that I have a huge phobia of
-Mirrors. I can't stand in front of a mirror for any extended period of time. I feel like something is going to pull me in, or come out...
-Deep Water. As much as I deeply love and admire sharks, I absolutely fear them. It's not just sharks though. It's the idea that I'm going to be pulled under, be it by giant squid or ghost or whatever.
So there you have it. My deepest fears.
Laugh with me.
5. Old people never shut up about it. Last summer olympics all I heard about was the 70s and how people could run back then. Don't care.
4. There is always some ridiculous scandal.
3. There is no figure skating.
2. Regular scheduled programming becomes a faded bitter memory.
1. Gymnastics is the only thing I watch and I always seem to miss it. Sigh.
"You're gonna take a chance and say we're good? I'm gonna take a chance and say we're garlic!"
"It's empty?! I was pretty sure it had something in it at one point in time!"
"I sound like a robot."
"I don't know who's been talking to you but it hasn't been me..."
"I totally want to eat that dog, but I'm not going to."
Our dog, Buster, is literally singing Wild Ones. You know. Flo Rida and Sia? It's a trip and a half. I don't know whether to be scared or freaking impressed. He continues to sing The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes. Of course. The second I can show another human being, he tires of whining for pets.